I had to shop for new jeans this past week. I’m not fond of shopping for jeans.

Women’s jeans come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes. Besides the obvious choices–skinny, boot cut, or flare, I had to decide if I needed a tummy tuck, a uplift (for the back), and a flattering wash (whatever that’s supposed to mean). I remember when I would just buy jeans based on my waist and inseam size. Those days are so over.

Prices run from below $20 to over $200. This is absurd. The expensive jeans promised miraculous changes for my body, and the saleslady assured me  the expensive jeans would make me look fantastic.  I felt less than fantastic when the waist came up to rib cage and my rump looked like an indigo pancake.

I’ve been fortunate enough not to gain much weight as an adult, but I’ve dropped two sizes. How can this happen? Note to jean companies: I am NOT flattered when a size that once fit is now too large. Instead, I am ANNOYED because I have to go out and find another size to try on.

Christmas songs piped into dressing rooms are not comforting when trying on jeans. It also doesn’t help that it isn’t even Thanksgiving yet.

After trying on countless pairs, I finally found a pair that fit well in the juniors’ section for nineteen dollars.

Take that expensive jeans with empty promises!